My Personal Story of Breaking Free – Forgiving My Mother
When I was a child, I think my parents had a very hard time with me. My father was a workaholic and to meet his impossibly high standards of the life he wanted for his family, he was either at work or in a state of near exhaustion after taking his work home.
My mother necessarily became the central authority figure in my life. I was quite a misfit and a rebel as a child. I tested my mother on nearly everything that came up in my young life and rarely accepted “no” for an answer. In the course of time, my mother learned to set certain limits and requirements on my activities which I rebelled against, demanding explanations that never came. I was required to:
- Go to bed at eight o’clock each evening
- Shake hands and greet people I did not like
- Play with certain other children, even ones I did not get along with
- Watch only approved shows on television, an unfair and horrible imposition in my young mind
I Was A Rebel
This constant rebellion against authority continued throughout my childhood, into my teen years, and into young adulthood. Schools and parents˜in fact, anyone or thing that tried to restrict me in any way˜seemed laughable and pathetic.
I was convinced I was right and everyone else was wrong. I just couldn’t understand why everyone seemed to want to hold me back from following my burning desire for meaning and happiness.
My mother seemed colorless and depressed, like all the life had been squeezed out of her. Rarely did she challenge me directly, but one day after becoming extremely angry with her over a trivial thing, we had the biggest fight ever. We slapped each other in the face and in anger I blurted out, “I will never see you again˜I hate you!” It was a very emotional incident. I felt heartbroken and deeply disturbed.
Everywhere I turned I found unhappiness. Later I discovered as so many have before me, that the truth always comes from within. This turned out to be the case for me as well. My answers had to come from within. When I was 22, I became a follower of an Indian guru, a ray of light in the form of a man who held out the hope to me that life could be more than what I had experienced in my troubled way.
I Needed Answers And I Needed Them Now
One thing was foremost in my mind. How could I claim to be on the spiritual path and direct so much anger and rage toward my mother? How could I be so full of unresolved darkness? What was wrong with me?
I decided to go to India for a while and hang out with my guru. India was a mind-blowing experience and I adored every day there. People there lived in poverty, many under very primitive conditions. What little money they had, bought meager meals for themselves and their families.
What a surprise when I met these people! So full of heart-warming generosity and dignity, some of them welcomed me with open arms into their homes to share a meal or to quiz me about my life outside of India. It made me realize that the relatively great wealth most of my own countrymen experienced meant nothing in terms of true happiness and inner dignity. The Indian people I met were poor in material things but amazingly rich in inner abundance.
I meditated every day in the ashram for two or three hours along with 500 or so of my fellow students. The energy was intense during these sessions and I marveled at the power of so many focused hearts and minds. After only two weeks I felt like I had been born again. I found that I struggled less against myself and the world, and that I had become more accepting of others.
A Shift In Viewpoint Happens
After six weeks, visions about my mother began coming to me during each meditation session in which I saw her angry, upset, happy, pensive, gentle, moody, and excited. I saw how deeply my difficulties in the world saddened and frightened her.
She had always done the best she could do for me and had never meant to hurt me in any way. One day I felt forgiveness unfold in my heart and entered a time of grace, free from anger and blame, full of compassion.
After three months in India I experienced some health issues and my life changed from a state of grace to one of nagging concerns about my physical well-being. I had no choice but to book a ticket home.
After returning to my home city, I realized that there was really no place to go besides my mother’s home! I called her and she was at first very reluctant to have me around. And who could blame her? But in the end, she allowed me back into her life and neither of us has ever looked back.
Healing Beyond Understanding
My life and relationships changed when I was given the gift of forgiveness. Forgiveness is so powerful and healing that goes beyond common understanding to reach out to others in unfathomable ways.
Use it sincerely and you will experience more positive relationships and deeper appreciation of life. And that affects others in ways you cannot imagine when you are full of blame and self-pity.
For the full story of my complete acceptance of my mother and how you too can experience the miraculous healing power of forgiveness, please click the link below.
Wishing you the power to forgive and let go…
CEO & Self Development Author
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