“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” – Helen Keller

Oh, come on. Admit it.

We all do it every single day.

Everybody enjoys wallowing in a little self-pity. It feels great to remind ourselves how terrible the world is. How we’ve not been given the right opportunities. How people are against us. How life has been a real struggle this past year.

Right?

But here’s a true secret to happiness. And it’s probably the biggest, easiest and quickest happiness secret you’ll stumble across. Ever.

If you want to be happy – just stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Self-pity, you see, is the worst kind of emotion. It eats up everything around, except itself. Soon, self-pity is all that exists, and you’re left feeling sorry for how poorly life has been treating you.

We’ve all felt like that, right?

Maybe you feel like life has dealt you a bad hand. Perhaps you’ve lost money, family or health. It could be that you’ve missed out on so many opportunities that others have been easily granted – and you think that fate really HAS been unfair to you.

And that viewpoint might even be 100% correct.

But STOP feeling sorry for yourself.

It’s not going to help the situation. It’ll only help you to wallow in a state of apathy, playing the victim. The kind of person that things happen to, but that can’t do anything about it. By stopping feeling sorry for yourself, you can actually get on and DO something about it.

Trust me on this one. This is the biggest ever technique for putting a smile onto your face.

If you want to be happy – stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You could close this book right now and you’d already hold the wisdom of ten thousand self-development courses, and double that number of self-help gurus.

And it’s so simple. In fact, it’s worth repeating (and rewording) one more time:

Stop feeling sorry for yourself – and you will be happy.

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How exciting to start a race without a clear direction to the finish line. As I blasted across the starting line, my heart racing and senses on high alert, my fellow hashers and I looked like a bunch of blood hounds desperately searching for clues and signs to follow. Always working as a team I could  hear someone yell “On, On” meaning they had found  “True Trail” and were heading in the correct direction.  When I found the marks of True Trail I was at once excited and reassured that I was finally on the correct path. There were no guarantees for success. Many would find their way, some would arrive faster than others, and a few remained lost until we sent out search teams. I have been lead through shopping malls, flea markets, across golf courses, up hills, and down many blind alleys.

In the end it was never about who came in first or last, but about the thrill of the adventure, following our intuition, working with team mates, laughing, cursing, and always smiling over finding the elusive True Trail or the frustration of yet another dead end.  The finish line was always a celebration of the hunt, of comradeship, and living life to the fullest.  Of all my road racing events, my time with my fellow Hashers has provided me with the biggest smiles and fondest memories.

“Wow, what a wonderful metaphor for life. I often step back and look at my life and wonder, “Am I On, On”, am I on “True Trail” or am I chasing a rabbit down a blind alley or worse yet, just settling for the same old comfortable trail?”

There are many lessons to be learned from the Hash House Harrier experience which  applies to finding Balance in our Minds, Bodies and Spirits:

1. The path to finding one’s true trail works well in a community with a common goal.

2. The willingness to take a risk going down a false trail in life but ready to make the necessary course alteration to find your  true trail.

3. Finding true trail requires an open heart and an adventurous spirit.

4. A willingness to leave your ego at home, not afraid to fail, look foolish, or asking someone for help is a formula for success.

5. Finding true trail is about the journey, the joy of seeking, learning, working together, the exhilaration of being a member of a team, and the joy of just doing it.

6. Learning to trust your inner voice, your intuition, and willing to take a Leap of Faith to find the answers.

7. Knowing that the risk of finding true trail may mean letting go of a strongly held belief or core value which we have held our entire life.

8. The rewards of finding true trail can be the joy of knowing your life is in balance, your body is healthy, your spirit is soaring, and your emotions are free from the burdens of fear, lack, and the unknown.

9. The excitement of joining others just like you who are seeking, willing to share, who will support you, never judge you, and are ready to catch you if you fall.

10. Ready to keep life in perspective, be willing to laugh, be silly, let your hair down, get in touch with your playful energy, and make every moment important.

Finding your “True Trail” is a metaphor for finding Balance in your Life. It is about opening your heart and mind to all of the wonderful possibilities in life. It is about revealing all of your beauty, radiance, and magnificence  in the human experience.

Happy Trails

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You don’t have to pay any price.  Your dreams are ready and waiting for you to bring them to life.  But shifting gears to focus on the creation of our dreams sometimes feels like a lot of work, and much of it not destined to produce results.  It often seems that if we would only work harder on the current realities before us, we would get what we want through sheer focus of will.

We’re so determined, in fact, to keep our nose to the grindstone that we often don’t define in detail what it is that we want instead.  We don’t allow ourselves to get crystal clear about our desires because it makes us feel selfish, or it seems pie in the sky, and who has time to daydream when there’s so much to do?

First, you might consider the value of daydreaming in creating new and different results in your life. A more technical term for daydreaming is visualization, and visualization is a mind preparation tool that athletes, artists and other professionals use to create the future results they want.  When we continually focus on that which is versus that which might be, we should not be surprised that our options seem limited, that there’s no hope for change, and we lumber along the well-worn path of each day from beginning to end like a cart horse with blinders on.

One good reason for giving yourself permission to spend time visualizing your desired future is that its an excellent antidote to what I call Fuzzy Future Syndrome, or FFS.  Here are some ways you can tell if you’re suffering from this dream-stealing malady.

The core symptom of FFS is that you’re not really sure what you want.  You might be able to specify some generalities, such as more wealth, or more time for yourself, or being in a love relationship, but the details escape you.  When you view your future in this limited way, it’s like looking through a pair of binoculars without adjusting the focus.

Allowing ourselves to stay in this quasi-state of knowing/not knowing what we want creates a sense of yearning and frustration because we’re not where we intend to be, and yet lets us off the hook because we’re also not quite sure where we intend to be.

When we get crystal clear on what we want to create in our lives, when we craft a detailed vision of our dreamed of future, we set a concrete destination that we can then begin to move toward.  We find that our vision begins to impress itself on the “real” world around us.  New opportunities that we hadn’t seen before will arise from the ether as if by magic.  Possibilities we hadn’t thought of suddenly occur to us.

This new found focus allows our brains to sort the world in a different way, and the steps to bringing the vision to life appear before us. We get tuned in and aligned with our vision.

And yet, we still avoid getting clear.  That’s because achieving clarity about what we want causes a problem: tension.  Once we’ve established a clear destination we can easily identify the potentially vast differences between where we are now and where we intend to be, and it feels uncomfortable.  It might even bring up feelings of failure.

Those feelings activate the critical voice within each of us. It reminds us that if we were, in fact, capable of bringing this vision to life, wouldn’t we have done it already?  And if we don’t achieve our dreams, what does that say about us?  These are conclusions that we don’t want to make about ourselves.  For some, the feelings are more about fear of success.

We’re afraid of the hard work that success will bring, or the obligations, never realizing that we are already working hard and are already obligated right now to some things that we no longer want in our lives.  Taking the risk of giving up the known for the not-yet-known is scary, no matter how appealing it might be.

When we begin the journey toward our dreams, we draw charts and plans, load supplies, and set sail, determined to reach our destination by nightfall.  Days later, exhausted, we realize that we’ve forgotten to draw up the anchor of our fears, and it’s dragging along the bottom of the ocean, impeding us.

Here’s where being ready to get what you want comes in.  Here are some pointers:

• Get crystal clear about what you want, in as much detail as you can.  Write your vision down, and modify it as often as necessary to make it even more compelling.
• Take some time every day to visualize one or more aspects of your dream in as much detail as you can.  Even five minutes is valuable.
• Tell others about what you intend to create.  The more people that know about your dream, the more support you will receive in bringing your dream to life.
• Recognize that the feelings of discomfort that strike you when you start to get clear about what you want mean that you are on the threshold of a new universe, one you will create. Embrace those feelings.
• Practice the emotions now that you would like to have in your dreamed of future, such as happiness.  Then, when you get what you want, you’ll be ready to be happy about it.

Try out some of these tips.  Allow yourself to intimately know what you want, and then watch it come true in the world.

About the author:
Kim Marcille Romaner is founder and Chief Amplifier of Possibilities Amplified, Inc., and an expert on both the science of amplifying possibility into reality and the practical applications for both people and businesses.  A popular speaker and sought after consultant, Kim addresses corporations, associations and other organizations on the power of possibility.  Her 25 years in business leadership ranges from small business ownership to Fortune 500 executive experience.

Her website is: www.PossibilitiesAmplified.com.

Based on the book The Science of Making Things Happen. Copyright © 2010 by Kim Marcille Romaner. Reprinted with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA.  www.newworldlibrary.com or 800/972-6657 ext. 52.

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And it’s not only that chocolate is my greatest vice in life, perhaps even my greatest ‘sin.’ Figuratively. You know, I can romanticize a little. Some might even find the analogy appropriate, especially since I can gulp a pound at a time without an ounce of guilt.

And it doesn’t take me twelve hours to absorb a batch of cookies, even as I futilely attempt to make them last as long as possible. No, I’m not writing about confession, but artistry, the titillation of taste buds, memories and, above all else, you. (After all, who else would I expect to read this?)

Perhaps you can accurately gauge my excitement as I awaited the package of cookies to arrive. These were not ordinary cookies, some cheap excuse you find in the supermarket aisle that cost a dollar a pound, bland as porridge and desiccative as desert sand.

No, I’m certain most haven’t heard of the brave Glenn Minervini-Zick who blends tomatoes or lavender in cookies to be rewarded with tastes that are astounding and absolutely beautiful. And they are as healthy as cookies can be, organic ingredients, the fruit from local farmer’s markets. What’s more, few have experienced the pleasant tingle on their taste buds. Well yes, a local phenomenon with a nice little cache of national customers, but I say few because what are thousands compared to seven billion people?

Then early on a Wednesday afternoon, I see legs whisking past the living room window. I open the door to find the mailman placing a white box on the deck. For a second I ask myself, What is it? and even as I look at the box, the USPS man retrieves the rest of my mail from the box and places it in my hand with a smile.

I could hardly wait, nearly frantic to try them. I searched for something with which to open it, something with serrated edge but only found a pen. It would have to do and, the box opened, I found myself hindered by yet another white box immersed in biodegradable Styrofoam packing peanuts. (And Aviva called me “cookie monster.” Can you believe that?) Within the box was the sealed package, a baker’s dozen. Gold medal winners, Lavender Mint Shortbread, and Coco Carmelitas; and his double-gold, Almond Raspberry Ravioli.

The taste was a revelation, good and so unique that I just had to share them with a few friends. And one reaction made it entirely worthwhile. After a bight of the Lavender Mint Shortbread, Christiana smiled with sudden excitement. She pushed up on toe-tips, arms waving vigorously next to her ears and exclaimed, “Ohohoh! What is it? It tastes like Christmas!” If I were a baker, I doubt any other reaction could be more worthwhile; I only wish Glenn could have been there to see it.

But this is a triumph beyond making cookies, a true success story. He didn’t always make cookies for a living. In 2001 the software company, for which he was CFO was sold and he “softly” retired. It isn’t uncommon to hear of anyone quitting, even as it seems that a defeatist mentality has become ever more prevalent in recent years, but he proved his ingenuity rather than giving up the ghost; he took one look at his “bucket list” and trotted off to the local junior college to immerse himself in baking. Cookie manufacturing appealed to him because he didn’t have to get up at four a m to fill orders.

I’ve been in contact with Glenn the last few weeks and his correspondence via email has been helpful and nothing short of enthusiastic. I took the opportunity to ask him a few questions and have come to the conclusion that Zix Seasonal Sweets and Savories is just not about baking cookies, or making money; his purpose is to personally serve others and his success demonstrates the true power of human potential, that with a little creativity and greater energy, we also can follow in our Father’s footsteps and claim the “Cosmic Birthright” intended for all of us.

But this is how he describes it: “Baking cookies allows my “craft-person” to come out and provide an important balance to other aspects of my life. At the same time, marketing and selling cookies allows my more extroverted qualities of my personality to blossom and get some much needed exercise.

“It has been a big confidence builder for me. Who doesn’t like cookies! It has also helped me to hone skills such as listening and story telling. The ‘confidence’ tool is probably one of the largest assists from this cookie business. Selling cookies has forced me to step forward, to be comfortable in a lead role, and to find clarity about some parts of myself that have been fairly dormant in my life (up to now).”

In further questions, we explored his goals for the future, as well as past and present.

Q. Are there any questions about what you do that you’ve always wanted to answer, but you’ve never been asked?

A. How has your business developed? If it’s growing ‘organically’ what ‘doors’ have you not opened? Opened? Or about to open?  I started out baking for friends; then I stepped out and sold them to stores; selling to stores (as a small cookie business) was not too satisfying so I turned to the web and word of mouth.  The web and word of mouth work pretty well but I’m discovering I’m ready for more.

So I’m looking at making my cookies more available through a ‘cookie-mobile’ and a twitter account. I’m also looking at a cookie I’ve developed that is interesting, in fact award winning, and can be mass produced. As my confidence and view of the cookie world have expanded so have by personal goals for the cookie business and myself.

Q. On average, how many hours a day on average do you spend in the kitchen?

A. Right now I’m spending around 8 hrs. a day in my kitchen or doing work related to going my cookie business.  During the holidays, I sleep in my kitchen!

Q. Would you ever consider the possibility of selling your cookies at local grocery stores, or better, organic food markets?

A. I sold my cookies in organic food markets and ‘high end’ grocery stores a few years ago. Being a small producer, it’s difficult to work with the margins offered by the markets. For the past year or so I’m selling direct to consumers, either on-line or word of mouth.  I have a large following around the holidays, when I send out corporate and family cookie boxes around the country.

However, I’m developing a new product line that I believe can be mass produced while maintaining high quality and I am very keen on selling that product line into those two market segments along with on-line vendors (catalogs).

Q. If you had to choose a personal favorite, which would it be?

A. I’d have to choose the sweet ravioli cookie. I love the combination of fruit with nuts or cheese and I love that I’m able to eat local fruit in bite size cookies! And I must say, for what it’s worth, I agree.

The answer to this the next question, which I intentionally saved till last, happens to be my favorite. My initial conceit behind it was . .. . customer walks in and Glenn realizes, “Hey, that’s Arnold,” one of those minor curiosities that isn’t important but is fun to know. He gave me a very different answer than what I was expecting and I must confess I was pleased with it. One might imagine him to be cocky if they never spoke to him before, if only for a moment. More likely they would realize the answer sprung from my poor attempt at framing the question.

Q. Have you ever had any customers that inspired the realization: “Hey, this person is famous!”?

A. I just had a new customer say something similar. I was at the Sonoma County Harvest Fair Awards Ceremony where I received several gold medals for my cookies. As one of the winners I had a tasting booth with my winning cookies for folks to sample. A woman came up to my booth and said, ‘Oh my god, it’s the cookie guy! I’ve been following you for a while in the press and I was wondering when I’d find you. Your cookies look so good.’ (She tries one, gives me a huge smile and takes one back to her husband. She came back for another taste a little while later).

He’s earned it and a lot more to come. “Taste and see . . .” ! You’ll thank me, you’ll thank him. And, even better, you’ll be thanking yourself.

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One of the most common reasons that people don’t get to accomplish their goals is that we tend to get distracted, and we lose track of important things that need to be done consistently in order to move forward towards our goals.

Maybe you have set a perfectly achievable goal and planned every detailed step, but without effectively tracking your goal and knowing your progress, most certainly you will get discouraged when the first obstacle gets in the way and end up giving up on your goal eventually.

To really achieve any goal worthwhile, we need to discipline ourselves to keep it on track until it’s accomplished. There are several ways to effectively track your goals.

1. Review Your Goals Regularly, Preferably Daily
Keep yourself constantly reminded of your goals by reviewing them at a specific time each day. It can be in the morning, first thing after you get out of the bed. It can be at night just before you go to sleep. Write down all your goals in a notebook, or store them in a computer software.

When you review them, envision how accomplishing that goal will make you feel. Check your current progress, understand what you did to move it forward, find out what else you still need to do. By doing this regularly, you train your mind to become alert to things that  are related to your goals, and gradually your mind will automatically guide you to do whatever needed to achieve them.

2. Break Down a Goal Into Actionable Steps
Many people tend to easily get overwhelmed by all the things they need to do to accomplish a goal. The trick is to break down a bigger goal into smaller actionable steps. For example, say your goal is to start your own business. There are many things you will need to do. But before spending too much time on thinking about how difficult or time-consuming they will be, first break things down a bit.

For instance, obviously first few steps towards your goal could be: decide an overall direction or business model, find a right product/service to sell, list requirements to make this product/service work, etc. If any of these steps still looks big, break it down further. Once you break it down to doable steps, all you need to focus on is just one small step. As long as you keep doing these small steps, the completion of the goal will take care of itself.

3. Break Down a Goal Into Quantifiable Results
For some goals, it may not be easy to know what exactly the steps are to get started. How are you still able to keep track of your progress? One method is to find a measurable aspect of your goal, and write it down as a number.

For example, your goal could be to lose weight, then the number is your body weight. If you want to finish reading or studying a book, the number is the number of pages to read. If your goal is to save money for a dream vocation, the number is the amount of money you put in a bank account. As long as you know what this number is, you will always know your progress. All that’s left is just to keep doing things that help you move that number closer to your goal’s end result, and stop doing what doesn’t change the number.

4. Track a Goal by the Amount of Time You Spend on it
There are certain kind of goals that can’t be easily broken down to definitive steps. It is often difficult to find any obvious measurable aspects for their end result. They can be goals, such as, stay in shape, have a peaceful mind, become more fluent in a foreign language, etc. For this type of goals, you can try tracking the amount of time you spend on doing things required by them.

For instance, to stay in shape, track how many hours you work out per week. For having a peaceful mind, track how much time you spend meditating, or doing yoga per day. For becoming fluent in a foreign language, track how much time you spend practicing speaking the language per day. So on and so forth.

No matter what type of goals you set, you should always find something to track its progress. The benefit of doing this is that you will always know whether you are making progress or not. If you are, you will feel encouraged and become confident that your goal is reachable. If you aren’t, you will know immediately that what you are doing isn’t working for you, and it isn’t moving you any closer to your goal. Then you adjust your plan and find something else to try, until you have found the right way to do things that will eventually achieve your goal.

Setting and achieving your goal shouldn’t be that hard once you have learned how to effectively track your progress. All you need to remember is to review your goals regularly, break things down into manageable steps, make it measurable and finally track your time working on your goals. Once you have mastered to do these things, you can accomplish anything you want.

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I’ve spent thousands of dollars on different programs and seminars looking for the one perfect time management system. Unfortunately, that perfect system doesn’t seem to exist. But by taking pieces from each one and some of my own, I came up with what I believe is as close to perfect as possible.

What I’ll be sharing here is the exact action management system I use on a daily basis to keep myself laser focused on producing results while maximizing my free time so I can enjoy it with my family. You see, I believe wholeheartedly that because I manage my actions so well, I can get done in three hours what the average person
does in eight. The key to being an Unemployed Millionaire is producing massive results while also having tremendous levels of free time to do what you love. There is absolutely no reason you can’t have both!

Here’s the first golden nugget of advice involving time management. Stop telling yourself, “There’s just not enough time in the day.” Every time you utter that statement, you strengthen your identity as someone who doesn’t have enough time. The more you say things like that, the more you make them real and end up stuck
in this vicious cycle of lack and scarcity. Bottom line—that statement is weak and every time you say it, you make yourself even weaker.

That may sound harsh, but it’s that harshness that I had to use with myself. You see, that seemed to be my daily mantra. Every time I said there’s not enough time in the day, I was shifting blame to something other than myself. I always had an excuse if I didn’t get everything done. After all, it wasn’t my fault! It was the fault of
time.

Here’s how I turned it around. Every time I started to think or say to myself, “There’s just not enough time in the day,” I’d turn it around and tell myself, “There’s more than enough time in the day.” I had to change my internal programming as it related to time. I had to reprogram my subconscious to believe that I had plenty of time to get everything done. When I changed my programming, I made a quantum leap in my ability to produce.

Now don’t get me wrong. Are there days when I don’t get everything done I want to do? Of course. But by shiftingmy internal beliefs about time, I now stand from a place of power instead of a place of weakness.

The first step is taking responsibility for the fact that there is plenty of time every day to do what you want to do. We all have the same number of hours in a day. Time is not the enemy, your belief about it is.

Unconscious Ego Management
Before I get into the details and how-tos of action management, let’s address one of the overriding reasons why so many businesspeople are completely out of balance. This may sound strange, but formany people, their overriding personal values require them to be a workaholic, stressed out, and out of balance. Consciously, they may say to themselves and others that they want more free time, but they’ll never achieve it because it doesn’t support their stronger personal values. Deep down, they actually want and need the stress.

I can hear it now: “Matt, you’ve been okay up until this point, but now I think you’ve gone off the deep end.” Let me explain.

Here’s the game I was running. I would work seven days a week, 80 to 100 hours, oftentimes sleeping in my office because I had so much to do. Many nights I would drive home at 2:00 in the morning completely exhausted and dead tired. But even though I could hardly see straight, I would have this huge sense of accomplishment for being such a hard worker.

The one word that really explains it all is significance. One of the reasons we’re driven to do what we do in life is
based on our core values. At that time, even though I didn’t realize it, my highest personal value was significance.

By being a workaholic, everyone talked about how hard I worked, how much discipline I had, and how they worried that I was working too much. All of which completely fed my ego and garnered enormous levels of significance.

I was always stressed out about my business and how much responsibility I had on my shoulders. No matter how much stress I had, I always seemed willing to take on more responsibilities because the stress fed my need for significance.My brain was wired to believe that high stress equaled important businessman. And important businessman equaled massive levels of significance.

Even though my body was breaking down, I was tired all the time, and approaching burnout, I was addicted to the feeding of my ego. I essentially “got off” on the pain.

It wasn’t until I was completely burned out that I finally opened my mind to the possibility that there could be a different way . . . that I might actually be able to get happiness not just from working hard, but by actually enjoying my life.

Once I finally stopped looking at my life from the inside out, the reason for my pathos became patently obvious.

Watching Yourself in a Movie
Being able to identify what drove my actions came from the ability to identify the “me” I was living versus the “real me.” I believe we all have two versions of our self. There is your ego, what I’m calling “me,” and then there is the real you. Most people live their lives being controlled by their ego, never realizing that there is the real self, or their higher self. The higher self is infinitely more powerful in controlling your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
The real you can watch as if seeing yourself in a movie.

When you put yourself in your higher self, you’re able to watch yourself and separate the true self from what your ego is feeling. The real you looks at your ego and says: “There I am being hateful”; “There I am being depressed”; or “There I am feeling completely overjoyed.”

Once I realized that a higher self existed within, I was able to look at the way I lived and say, “There I am working like a madman and making myself miserable because I’m looking for other people’s validation to make me feel important.”

The moment I separated myself from my ego and realized what truly drove my actions was the moment when I finally had the power to make a shift. Once I identified that desire for significance was my primary driver, I decided to make a radical shift in my core values. I made a list of the values that were driving my behavior based on the way I was living. My list looked something like the following.

Primary Values:
1. Significance
2. Achievement
3. Confidence
4. Discipline
5. Integrity
6. Learning

Looking at my primary values, it was no wonder I was so completely out of balance. The next step was identifying what primary values I was committed to adopting since I knew they are the dominant driver behind
why we do what we do.

I decided to make a new list that looked like this.
1. Happiness
2. Love
3. Health and vitality
4. Integrity
5. Playfulness and fun
6. Passion
7. Achievement
8. Adventure
9. Growth and learning
10. Confidence

With my new set of primary values, I’d like to say that my actions completely shifted overnight. But the reality was that they shifted a little right away, and a little more and more over time. The key is staying committed and focused on your primary values. To keep myself clear on the purpose behind my actions, I keep this list of primary values in my planner to refresh my memory often.

It’s a simple sheet of paper that says: I Constantly Move Toward:
1. Happiness
2. Love
3. Health and vitality
4. Etc. . .

If it hadn’t been for this realization of the ego self versus higher self and the consequent values shifting process, I would most likely still be in the same “work myself to death” routine just so I could feel significant. Based on that shift, I experience infinitely more joy because I’m fulfilled not by significance, but by the values I choose to live by.

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Before she takes the stage we learn that Boyle is 47, never married, never kissed, spends her days with Pebbles the cat, and by eye-balling her: frizzy graying hair, eyebrows like caterpillars, ill-fitting dress, gray pantyhose and open-toed cream colored shoes, we assume she’s not a beauty pageant winner. The audience and judges size her up, too.

When she says her age judge Simon Cowell responds with an exaggerated eyeball roll and fellow judge Piers Morgan, a former tabloid newspaper editor, furrows his brow (clearly this ancient dame is wasting his time). Amanda Holden, the third judge, is a beautiful English actress with a body and face that no matter how good your self-image is – if you stand next to her in line at the coffee shop – you instantly feel bloated and troll-like. Cutaway shots to the audience show young people snickering and looking at Boyle as if she forgot her mop backstage.

“Okay,” Cowell says. “What’s the dream?” This is what it all boils to, really. The dream. The hope.

“I’m trying to be a professional singer,” Boyle says. (Insert shot of young girl reacting as if saying, “Yeah, right. And I want to be Amanda Holden.”)

When she says she’d like to be as successful as English musical theater legend Elaine Page, the cynicism in the room is as thick as Boyle’s eyebrows. If Boyle detects any of the sarcasm, unbelief, or disdain she never lets on. She announces her song choice from Les Miserables and Morgan laughs.

Boyle signals for the song to begin and holds onto her mic like a child at her first school program. Then . . . she opens her mouth and when she does the audience erupts in cheers and applause. Simon Cowell’s eyes widen, Amanda Holden’s mouth drops open and Piers Morgan, who just seconds ago laughed at her, now smiles and applauds.

Again, if Boyle is aware of the cheers, ovations and wild applause she doesn’t let on. In moments, the lovely Holden is on her feet aiming her applause directly at Boyle. Two women are facing each other: one is the epitome of success, loveliness and grace and the other has been accustomed to taking a backseat to the likes of Holden . . . but not now. The beauty is honoring the wallflower.

As the final notes fade, the entire audience along with Morgan and Holden are on their feet (Cowell remains seated in case you’re wondering); Boyle blows a kiss to the crowd and begins to trudge off stage. The judges urge her back and the two hosts in the wings direct her to stay put. She has no idea what she has just accomplished or the effect she’s had on this once judgmental audience. The judges assess what they’ve just heard. “Amazing. I’m reeling,” Morgan says.

But there is no greater compliment than that from Holden. “I just want to say that it was a complete privilege listening to that,” she says. Boyle wasn’t what she appeared to be; she was more.

In Finding Grace (St. Martin’s Press) I relate the story of sitting in math class with my friend Peggy. Our seats were located in front of four of the princesses of the school. They were so beautiful, charming and trendy wearing their Izod alligator polo shirts and crisp khaki pants. Peggy and I wore Toughskin corduroys (Their slogan was, “The toughest of Sears tough jeans . . . lab tests prove it!”), sported either a bad perm or an uneven haircut and never made anybody’s cool list. Susan Boyle would have been our friend.

Our math teacher was a man with a red face. It wasn’t sunburn or even a healthy glow; it was just red . . . all the time. Mr. Teacher Man seemed to be on the backside of his teaching career. Not because he was old but because he seemed to hate the job, or maybe he just disliked Peg and me. I don’t know. As Peggy and I went to the chalkboard one day I knocked the eraser to the floor. We both bent for it and clunked our heads together. The class laughed but Mr. Teacher Man did not. We were wasting his time.

In the days following a school assembly was called. A special speaker was coming to entertain the student body. Peg and I threw our books in our lockers and made our way to the gymnasium. There were prime seats down front. We crossed the gym and climbed up two bleachers for our perfect spot when we heard him. “Those aren’t available.” We turned to see Mr. Teacher Man whose eyes were scanning the gym floor. I didn’t think he wasn’t talking to us and moved toward the seats again. “Those seats are taken, girls.”

By that time every good bleacher was filled and we trekked up to the top row. I sat down and was positioning myself behind Ralphie the teenage giant boy when I noticed the four princesses sit in “our” seats down below. It turns out that Mr. Teacher Man was right. The best seats were unavailable . . . to us. Those seats were special and for special girls. We could make do somewhere else.

Strange how people color the way we feel about ourselves. Somewhere along the way sociologists termed that as the looking glass self: we begin to perceive ourselves as those around us see us. You’re a good student but not as good as your sister.

You’re a great athlete but not nearly as strong as your brother. You’re thin but just not thin enough for the job. You’re too fat for the job. You’re a good mom but have you seen her remarkable home and kids? You’re too old and frumpy to sing. Countless books, magazine articles, and television shows are dedicated to helping us be better in every way so we can finally reach those coveted best seats.

But to love and accept someone despite their flaws and failures is a gift of grace in a cynical and hypercritical world where our own panel of judges smirk and snicker and whisper catty comments. Grace says, “Okay, what’s the dream?” without passing judgment or rolling the eyes. It sees beyond the frizzy hair and frumpy dress to the heart of the singer, or mother, or twice-divorced waitress.

Grace stands up and says, “It is a privilege to know you.” Grace realizes there’s more than what meets the eye and is the most life-altering gift we can give to one another.

I have a feeling that Susan Boyle knows that… watch the video on YouTube.

Author Bio
Donna Vanliere, author of Finding Grace: A True Story About Losing Your Way in Life . . . And Finding It Again, is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of The Christmas Hope series and Angels of Morgan Hill. She lives in Franklin, Tennessee with her husband and three children.

For more information please visit www.donnavanliere.com

Get your free copy of my new book:
The Principles of Successful Manifesting - How to make your life dreams come true.
Click here to download

As I watched, I started to recall what I have read.  I went back in time to the 19th century when two brothers had an idea which eventually became their passionate and consuming dream. On Friday December 17, 1903 at 10:35 AM, the Wright brothers (Wilbur and Orville) flew “the world’s first power-driven, heavier-than-air machine in which man made free, controlled, and sustained flight.” Their memorable feat took place at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on a cold windy morning.

The recollection got me started in penning down some of my thoughts on dreams.  The Wright brothers have indeed been an inspiration.  They persisted in following their dreams.  Because of them, air travel to countries all over the world was made possible and time needed for traveling drastically reduced.

Contrastingly, the vast majority of us gave up our dreams a long time ago.  Perhaps we had even barely started on them, to begin with. In our youth, we have had many dreams. We aspired to be artists, ballerinas, actresses, or even the President.  Most of the hopes would qualify as wishful thinking but there might be the one or two  that might have been the spark of our true desires.

Mostly, our fire of enthusiasm got doused along the way.  We caved in to the conventional view that such dreams were not realistic.  Our dreams would never make us a decent living, we were told.  Against the backdrop of disapproving looks and negative comments, we found it hard to persist.

Well, if not for the likes of the Wright brothers, millions of lives would not have changed.  There are many other role models, too, that have taken the road less traveled.  Nothing appeared to be impossible to people like Thomas Edison, Walt Disney or Lance Armstrong. More recently, a new singing talent found in 47-year old Susan Boyle in “Britain’s Got Talent, 2009″ let us know that it is never too late to pursue their true heart’s desires.  The one distinguishing quality that sets them apart? Their determination not to give up!

I really like this quote…

“Dreams are like the paints of a great artist. Your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas. Believing, is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.”

I choose to tell my kids that so long as they can conceive a dream and feel passionate about it, they can believe that it will come true.  Unlike my kids, I have not had the privilege of having the support for my dreams when I was young.  I do not blame my parents either.  Instead, I now take every opportunity to share with my kids the importance of following their dreams.

My little daughter had written that “I want to be an artist when I grow up” on her kite.  My nephew wrote about being a pilot in his.  My elder daughter drew a big heart on her kite, with the thought of sharing her love with everyone.  If these are the dreams they truly desire, I hope that they all come true. My wish for them is that their kites will always fly high!

About the author:
Evelyn Lim is a Life Coach, Intuitive Consultant and Writer.  She shares tips about raising conscious awareness on her blog.  Please visit AttractionMindMap.com.

Get your free copy of my new book:
The Principles of Successful Manifesting - How to make your life dreams come true.
Click here to download

We all have dreams…we are born dreamers.  You have heard the old saying that young men have visions, but old men dream dreams.  This great proverb defines “old men” having dreams because old men speak of the wisdom, skill, and mastery of one’s innate ability to manifest their dreams into reality.

Dream On, Dream On, Dream Until The Dream Comes True
Dreams are divine inspirations birthed in the secret place of imagination that give cause to recover that which has always been!  You were born to bring into existence from your secret place of imagination, the dreams conceived, nourished, and believed.  Dreams are the co-creation of your own ingenuity.  Dreams, when defined and clarified provide you the foresight to deliberately create your desired manifestation.  This is the Divine expression of Life.

You are a Dream-Maker to manifest and live the life you deserve.  Now a dream conceived but never believed is just a fleeting fantasy.  The Unlimited Life of who we are reveals dreams to us all the time. We only need to embrace and appreciate the magnificence of personal Being in defining one’s dreams.  What happens when inspiring dreams are revealed to you even in a split second?  We automatically determined impossibilities because we limit ourselves and therefore indulged in fleeting fantasy.

Your dreams represent your inner desired outcome, manifesting into your reality. James Allen said it perfectly, “Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.”  No matter how lofty your dreams or desired end product is, all things are possible!

Put full-undivided attention upon your dreams because you become what you behold, and sooner or later begin to display unto the world your self-fulfilling prophecy.  Develop within you a convincing Proceeding Power of Prediction in your live.  You hold within an Ability to create and predict your future by realizing and nourishing your dreams today! So, Dream big!

The millions dollar question is this:  How do we transform dreams into reality?

Dreams speak of your desired destination, which by the way, really have no finalization because you shall always remain in a state of Constant Unlimited Expansion.  The steps, directions, and chosen strategies that develop the manifestation of your dreams are called GOALS.

A great thing happens when you focus your center of attention on your dream destination, you begin to locate and find solutions for the journey along the way.  GOALS are the means along the way to fully manifesting your dreams.

Dreams = Desired end product while Goals = Means to achieve dreams.

The fulfillment of the goals along the way to your dream destination provides you great encouragement, momentum, and feedback of your internal focus. Dreams represent what you want and “why,” while goals represent your plan to get you there.

Here is an example of a client I worked with.  This individual was 40 years of age, overweight by 45 lbs, and had a dream to live a long, healthy life.  The dream here was not the reduction of body weight, but achieving his ideal weight, while feeling energetic and perfectly healthy at the age of 45, 50, 60, 75, and beyond.  It is dream destination that really has no finalization…it is ever expanding.

Now, this individual experienced repeated perceived failure and un-fulfillment, as a result of focusing on short-term goals rather than his dream destination.  If you focus so much on the steps (goals), you run the risk of losing sight of your destination, and the reason why you are pursuing these goals in the first place.

Specific short-term goals are not motivating by themselves; their power comes from their connection to an inspiring dream.  In the long run, when I shifted my client’s internal focus and techniques, he not only manifested his dream, but also continues to expand his dream.

As we have discussed, GOALS are the steps along the way in fulfilling your dream destination.  The key is to FOCUS and center your attention on your dreams, creating solutions (target GOALS) for unending expansion.  So, make sure your focus on the END rather than the means.

Here are some suggestions for identifying the difference between your Dreams and Goals:

1. Define your internal Dream: Develop a crystal-clear picture or your dream destination.  Write it down in your dream journal.
2. Set specific times of centering and focusing upon your Dream Destination in your thoughts and imagination.  Carry in your Mind the picture of not only reaching your Dream Destination, but also expanding your Dreams.
   Again, do not be concerned with the methodology!  To be preoccupied with the “how to” and not the “why,” nurtures doubt, lowers aspirations, and sabotages your vision of manifesting your Dream Destination.
3. Set specific times of focus, read your dream aloud to yourself.  Make sure it is stated in the affirmative as if you have already manifested your dream.
4. See yourself maximizing your ability to manifest your dreams.  Keep this visual image in your mind for 15-20 minutes, three times a day!  Hold it there!  Imagine yourself accomplishing ultimate success – how it feels, sounds, tastes, looks, and smells.
5. As you do this, write the short-term GOALS that are revealed to you. Steps of action are being identified!  Writing down your goals gives them power, and makes them real. They transform that which we have been dreaming of into a workable solution.

Practice this over and over until it becomes Life unto you.  Remember, focuses on your Dreams, dream lofty dreams for nothing is impossible to him who knows his dream to be true.  I hope this has been enlightening and inspiring to you.

If you would like assistance in harnessing this skill for maximizing your dreams and defining your goals, feel free to contact me at www.TheKaizenGRP.com by signing up for Free Consultation Coaching Session!  That’s right…no payment or obligation what-so-ever!

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The Principles of Successful Manifesting - How to make your life dreams come true.
Click here to download

In the case of Self-Disclosure: Changes from Within, it initially becomes apparent the author has her own ideas of dreams she hopes to realize.  She focuses her energy and the power of intention in certain conscious directions, only to learn her unconscious mind and the universe clearly have other plans. Before long, she realizes she is in for a big wake-up call that touches on every area of her life.

A voice inside prompts her to attend a professional event in a foreign country. Being there itself makes the effort worthwhile, but certain ensuing events she does not anticipate. Could talking to a stranger in passing on a public bus change your life forever? For the author of Self-Disclosure: Changes from Within, that’s exactly what happens.  A brief interaction sets a romance in motion with a partner who lives 18,000km away.  It only takes a moment to listen to intuition.  From then on, if you stay on the path, nothing is the same.

Consider a first date in one country, reconnection for breakfast, before huge geographic separation. Would you believe they wrote a book together over the internet and learned the power of focusing energy in more than only words? Who would have thought the second date would unite them through parts of France, Switzerland and even Italy? This story is an example of how one can learn to harness energy vibrations in dreams and channel this frequency in surprising directions.

Events in this story unfold to teach the author that love is why human beings exist.  Love expands in ways she did not imagine possible.  She learns her own misunderstandings about meaning and purpose are stepping stones to life-changing revelations.  This quest for insight propels her on world travels, astral travels and beyond.  She evolves from superficial awareness to deeper understanding of self. She learns to expect the unexpected.  As it turns out, she is not alone on this journey. Is her unique companion in dialogue, only a conscience?

This book invites readers to explore sources of their own fear and to learn what it means to recognize why they do what they do, when they do it, as opposed to simply after the fact. Each reader is invited to raise self-awareness at his or her own pace, to reassess personal  evolution.  It is all about being conscious of why you really make certain choices, and how your perspective and access to inner knowing is shifting beneath the surface.

On another level, the book recognizes how each human being feels like a prisoner inside his own mind, inside each perceived crisis or predicament, at least until one chooses to step outside another comfort zone. Then, one opens to innate capacities that had been temporarily forgotten.

Love opens the door to a journey into modern and exotic forms of self- healing.  It is about how being open-minded enables one to connect with spirit realms and mystical experiences. This is not the journey of how love heals one person, it is how love awakens the dormant or inaccessible soul. Much like a shaman alters his state of mind to access creative power and untapped abilities, as you observe your life, you can explore different ways of altering your perception of reality. After all, its your dream, your inner journey.  Will it involve the supernatural? Does it not already?

Tap into what you forgot you already know. Grasp how to reconnect with your authentic self at this moment. Self-Disclosure: Changes from Within offers a key to unlocking your spiritual potential and opens the door to limitless happiness and love.

Every chapter opens with quotes and lessons to encourage you to ponder certain reflections. Each section ends with questions you can journal to shape your own personal growth. End-of book questionnaires can be answered alone as part of your own journey or exchanged with people close to you where you choose to evolve and learn together.

The choices are yours. The book reminds you the choices infinite.  This choose-your-own adventure is not limited to the scope of this book. The stories serve to orient your vantage point and how you view chapters of your life as a dream within a dream that shapes a changing reality. You are prompted to re-evaluate where you are, the nature of your evolving mission, and what’s next.

Learn why you alter states of consciousness.  Unveil motivations for your life choices. This is not simply about acknowledging fear and learning what it means and how to overcome it.  It is a journey into heightening awareness that affects more than just yourself here and now. Everyone is a healer, yet underestimates the degree and reach of his own power to heal.

About the author:
Liara Covert is a dream analyst and soul journey guide who has taken conventional and unconventional training in communications, cross-disciplinary studies and psychology.  She feels privileged to learn from leading thinkers in areas of spiritual growth. Her awareness is enriched by experiences in over 50 countries. It is her hope to empower others so they build faith, trust and confidence in growing self-awareness and phenomena they do not always understand.

Visit her Dreambuilders Australia blog and keep your eyes peeled for Harness the Energy of your Dreams, her forthcoming dream book. Details of coming workshops and contact information available at her website.

Visit Dreambuilders: dreambuilders.com.au

Get your free copy of my new book:
The Principles of Successful Manifesting - How to make your life dreams come true.
Click here to download