Irritation: Why Do Some People Irritate Us?

By Oliver J R Cooper in Attention, Awareness, Happiness, Learning, Stress Reduction, attitude on March 3rd, 2014 / No Comments

Due to the amount of people on this planet, it is clear that one is not going to get along with everyone. There will be some people that one completely clicks with and therefore experiences very few instances of conflict and disharmony. And there will be others, on the other side of the spectrum, who can constantly press ones buttons and irritate them.

In the middle of this can be people who one doesn’t completely connect with and yet they don’t feel completely disconnected from them either; with their being moments where both elements are involved.

Different Approaches

A common approach can be for one to remove the people from their life that irritate them or if they can’t do that, then they might try to keep their distance. This is only natural, as it is human nature to avoid pain and that which creates or triggers pain within us.

Another approach would be to face it directly. Here, one might talk to the person in a way that could be described as an example of being assertive. Or they could end up losing all emotional control and not only raise their voice for instance, but they could become violent.

Right Or Wrong

One approach might be classed as being right and another approach could be classed as being wrong. And as to what description one uses, will depend on many factors. If another person is being consistently rude to another and one calls them out on their behaviour, then it is generally going to be seen as the right thing to do

Let’s say that a group of people have gone beyond irritation when it comes to what a corporation is doing to the planet and decide to take action, and this could result in violence, they could see their behaviour as being justified. And all because damage is being done and nothing is taking place to stop it.

Another Angle

However, while there are examples like these that create the impression that irritation is arising as a result of what is talking place externally and that one must therefore take external action to put an end to how they feel, there are also others examples that show a different perspective.

And this is something that Carl Jung was referring to when he said the following “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” So based on this quote, it could be said that there are two sides to irritation.

Two Sides

On one side is what is taking place externally and at times, focusing on what is taking place there will be seen as the right thing to do. And on the other side will be what the external experience is triggering within someone.

Because although there will be external things that one finds irritating and plenty of other people could respond in the same way,  there will also be certain things that one finds irritating and other people wont even notice.

Harmless

Even though some things that irritate someone could be causing harm to another person or to the world at large, there is also going to be things that don’t cause any harm whatsoever.

And when this is the case, it can make it easier for one to look within themselves and see what is really going on. If something is irritating and many other people have the same outlook, then the need to look within can diminish.

The Heard

However, just because plenty of people agree with something and say that the reason they feel as they do is due to what is taking place externally, it doesn’t mean that it is not an internal issue that they all have.

This is backed up by the fact that human beings are drawn to people that see the world as they do. The ego mind needs to be right, because to be wrong is interested as death, even though this is unlikely to happen.

So if one has a certain worldview, they are naturally going to connect to people who have the same. And if other people have the same irritation, then the mind can come to the conclusion that it is in fact out there and not the result of what is taking place within them.

Looking Within

If one is irritated about something and the people around react in the same way, it could show two things. The first thing it will reveal is that they have the same outlook and the second thing it shows, is that each of them are getting their buttons pressed.

What this means is that when someone is exposed to something that irritates them, it is reminding them of something in their past that caused them pain. And while the mind can have disconnected from the experience/s and not see the connection, the body will react as if it is happening all over again.

Examples

Money is an area that can cause strong irritation. So to see people who have money can trigger emotions such as anger and below this can the following feelings: abandoned, worthless, hopeless and powerless.

If one sees another person in a relationship or who is getting their needs met with the opposite sex and feels irritated, it could reflect their own sense of powerlessness when it comes to getting their own needs met.

Irritation

Through feeling irritated, one can protect themselves form feeling what is going on at a deeper level.  When one feels angry for instance, they can feel strong and in control. But when they feel the feelings below this, then can feel vulnerable and out of control.

Awareness

If one wants to grow and doesn’t want to stay stuck, then it will be important that they face what is below the irritation. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach.

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