Everyone has difficult times in their life, when obstacles seem to constantly get in the way and nothing goes to plan. It’s during these tough times that many of us fall victim to blaming everything and everyone around us for the challenges we’re facing and our lack of success in creating the life we desire.
Maybe you’re in debt, stuck in a dead end job or your boss is constantly shouting at you and making you feel angry? Or perhaps your partner leaves you feeling frustrated and doesn’t give you the respect you deserve? It’s easy to blame what’s going on around us for our lack of happiness, bad mood and general discontent about the way life is going. But who is truly responsible for creating the life you desire? Whose life is it anyway? Have you taken responsibility for your life and what happens to you?
This may sound like a harsh statement but the reality is that no one can “make” you feel a certain way. No one can force you to make the wrong decisions. You always have a choice and taking ownership of the emotions you experience and the way you react to situations in your life is the first step to self-empowerment and creating the life you desire.
Who’s in Control of You?
Of course it’s true that you cannot control everything that happens to you. For example, you cannot stop it from raining. However, you can control how you react to the rain, whether it’s anger, sadness or happiness and whether it stops you from having a great day.
You are always responsible for your thoughts, emotions and reactions. Statements such as, “my boss makes me so angry” or “my boyfriend makes me cry” or “my Mum was a bad parent so now I always make the wrong decisions in life” are in fact a fallacy. Your boss may be extremely frustrating, but you choose how you react to him. Your boyfriend may say something you don’t like but it’s up to you whether you cry.
You may have had a difficult childhood but you make the decision as to whether that holds you back in life. When you’re caught up in unconscious emotion it’s tough not to feel like these people control you but by taking a step back from the situation and making a choice to react in a different way will give you the strength to no longer be a victim and take control of your own life.
Who Are You Trying to Control?
Blaming your failures on people and circumstances around you is simply a form of manipulation. As we play the victim, we are unconsciously creating a way of manipulating the people around us into giving us comfort, making them feel guilty and in turn attempting to change their behavior. This is no way to create a conscious relationship based on real feelings and true trust. Through anger, tears and other forms of emotional blackmail we are simply creating false relationships and false circumstances through a vicious cycle of blame.
Even our attempts to change other people’s lives for them is a form of manipulation. Whilst we may consciously set out to help them and resolve their problems, what we are effectively doing, without even realizing it, is manipulating their situation for our own gain, so that we feel better about ourselves through receive praise from them and others for the fantastic help we’ve given them. Furthermore, how will they learn about their own lives if we constantly jump in and resolve their problems for them?
Of course, helping and supporting loved ones is an important part of life, yet we have to question our own motivation for getting involved and whether this is truly the right thing to do. The best way to make change is to inspire other people by creating our own success. Leading by example demonstrates that success can happen and the way to achieve it is to find the inner strength and empowerment to take responsibility for our own life.
Own Your Life – Feel Truly Empowered
When you realize that no one is to blame for what you do or feel and that you always have choice, you’ve taken the first step to creating the life you’ve always dreamed of. As you practice feeling and owning your emotions, you’ll no longer look outside yourself for validation but feel the strength and power from within to be the person you’ve always wanted to be.
It’s important to be conscious of every emotion that enters you, rather than letting it consume you and blaming anyone else for how you’re feeling or what’s happened. This requires focus and concentration but with time and practice it’s possible to become the master of your own life.
So when you feel angry after an argument with a co-worker, own that emotion and recognize that you’ve chosen to feel anger. That person did not make you feel that way. Once you own your emotions you can make the conscious decision to interact and communicate in a different manner. Yes they may be extremely annoying, try to steal your ideas or make up rumors about you.
Yet it’s up to you whether you get angry and it’s up to you what decisions you make to resolve the situation, or not resolve it and just ignore it. You could decide to brain storm ideas on your own and send them direct to your boss. Or it could be that you feel the time is right to look for a better job… your dream job, salary and work environment could be out there waiting for you but you simply needed to take responsibility for finding them instead of blaming everyone else around you for not achieving them.
Once you gain control of your life and realise that only YOU are responsible for what you think, do and say, then a host of wonderful opportunities could be waiting just around the corner to take you on the path to creating the destiny you’ve always dreamed of.
It will look like this: Taking Ownership – The First Step to Self-Empowerment