How to Brake the Cycle of Blame and Pain

Monday, July 6th, 2009

It’s been called the “Blame Game”. It’s a favorite pass time of politicians everywhere. You know it is coming when a public official (or anyone else, for that matter) starts a faux apology with “I’m sorry if you…” The subtle shifting of the blame from to the recipient of the apology has been elevated to an art form in some political circles. In the real world, however, blame and forgiveness cannot walk hand in hand.

We’ve all heard the expression “I can forgive, but I won’t forget“. What that really translates to is “I’m forgiving you for now, but I reserve the right to un-forgive at some point in the future.” Forgiving without forgetting is not truly forgiving. You cannot sincerely and completely forgive someone if you continue to blame the person for the offense.

Solemate – Mastering the Art of Aloneness

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

This book is about you. Mastering the art of aloneness is about having a good relationship with yourself. It’s about becoming the person you were meant to be, treating yourself well, and shedding the old beliefs and behaviors that limit your ability to live a healthy, happy, satisfying life – with or without a partner.

When we are born, we are whole, integrated human beings filled with tremendous potential. We feel good about ourselves and are able to experience and express the full range of human emotions. As we grow up, we adapt to the peculiarities – and even pathologies – of our own families by adopting patterns of thought and behavior, some of which erode our innate wholeness.

The Real Meaning in Life

Friday, September 26th, 2008

Years ago a young woman came to me for help. To maintain confidentiality, I will invent a name for her. I’ll call her Mary. This young woman in her late thirties had a history of self-mutilation and suicidal behavior. She came in for pastoral counseling, and I agreed to see her only if her psychiatrist agreed and was kept fully informed.

That issue out of the way, her first appointment was made. My secretary brought me her file, including the pre-process forms I used. As I reviewed the information in the file, I was taken by the fact that one of her prior therapists was a famous psychiatrist. I thought to myself, “And what on earth am I to do if this person couldn’t help her?”