The root of much unhappiness is comparison. Comparison gets in the way of healthy self-appreciation — and thus happiness – more than anything else. Because of comparison, hardly anybody is ever happy with what they get and nothing’s ever good enough for practically everybody. That’s because we measure our success in anything by comparing it to what others have or to what we have had before.

In other words, whether you are happy with what you get depends on how it measures up to some norm. That norm depends on two things: what other people get (social comparison), and what you yourself are used to getting (habituation). It is hard for success in any form (money, status, prestige, and so on) to improve your happiness because as actual success rises, the norm by which success is judged rises in step.

1. Make a list of all you can’t stand about work/life
Those who are really stuck may complain that they don’t know what they want. Not true. Make a list of all you do not want or like about your current situation and you will find on the flip side, something you DO want! Write it down.

2. Recognize that ALL change (good or bad) means loss
The ‘evil’ we know is sometimes less scary than the ‘evil’ we don’t know. It is normal to be afraid to make a change because of what you stand to lose. However, the only way is forward, so you might as well accept whatever perceived loss of status, money or identity and realize that more happiness awaits. In fact, if everyone else is telling you you are crazy for making a change, you are on the right track!

The core lesson in this chapter is based on one you learned as a child: “If you don’t have anything nice to say about somebody, don’t say anything at all.” We only have to modify this adage a little so that “somebody” includes yourself and the situations in which you find yourself.

The idea is, very simply, to reach for a positive feeling before you speak, whether it’s in your head or out loud. If you can learn to do this one thing, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel and, consequently, how much your relationships and your life will improve as well.

Resentment is a common emotion, though commonly misunderstood. We may not always be able to control our other emotions, but we at least understand anger, love, despair and the rest. Resentment is an emotion that we often feel without fully recognizing it for what it is, or even being able to properly put the name to it.

What is Resentment?
Before we can deal with resentment, we need to understand what it is and how it affects us. Resentment is a feeling of displeasure or indignation that stems from an incident, real or perceived, that is hurtful. When you resent someone it will color all your future interactions, no matter how trivial, with that person.