The core lesson in this chapter is based on one you learned as a child: “If you don’t have anything nice to say about somebody, don’t say anything at all.” We only have to modify this adage a little so that “somebody” includes yourself and the situations in which you find yourself.

The idea is, very simply, to reach for a positive feeling before you speak, whether it’s in your head or out loud. If you can learn to do this one thing, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel and, consequently, how much your relationships and your life will improve as well.

Resilient models of thinking may not have prevented today’s economic disasters, but I can’t help but wonder if the Big Three automakers would  be solvent today if they had implemented  new models of thinking.

- Do you know how you think?
- Do you know what you do when you have to think something through?

Try this exercise:
Take a few minutes  to write what you are thinking. When you are done, take a look at what you have written. Keep the following questions in mind:

- Is your thinking organized? Methodical?
- Do you use a charting or mapping process to keep track of the flow of your ideas?
- How do you know where one stage or type of thinking ends and another one begins?

“Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness are, by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral, and subject to change.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

There is nothing wrong with self-interest as such. We need to take care of our biological selves, make sure we have adequate food, water and shelter, avoid danger, take rest and ensure our other basic needs are met. Without this basic level of self-interest none of us would survive for very long.

Today, however, we in the more developed countries need to spend very little time and energy fulfilling these physical needs. If we are hungry or thirsty we simply go to the refrigerator, or we can get in our car and drive down to the supermarket – in the middle of night in many cities.

An Interview with Lauren Mackler, author of the book: Solemate – Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life.

1. There are a multitude of self-help books that address many of the same topics as Solemate. These include books for singles, and books about how to overcome fear, live a more fulfilling life, and build self-esteem. What makes Solemate different from the rest?

Many self-help books targeted to singles are “how to” books for snaring the perfect mate. They reinforce the myth that happiness is found by searching outside yourself – instead of within yourself.