At the beginning of any new relationship, most mature, healthy adults reflect on their past relationships and the lessons they have learned. We seek understanding and desire to apply these lessons to our new relationships. Most of us do not wish to make the same mistakes over and over again. We want to get it right. However, the success of any future relationship greatly depends on our doing our own work, resolving our own issues, and clearing the way for the new relationship to evolve.
This is also true of your relationship with money. For you to have the relationship with money that you desire, you must also go through this clearing process. Just as not doing this process would probably result in the repeating of old patterns and behavior in a new relationship, not clearing the energy of past financial and old money energy will continue to sabotage your relationship with money. But first, let’s work to define your relationship with money.
Defining Your Relationship to Money
In working with my clients and their money issues, I always begin by asking them to describe their relationship to money. Their responses often reveal clues about their money types, which helps me to better understand their money issues. Initially most people do not know how to respond. It is rare that someone spontaneously responds by saying, “Oh, I have a great relationship with money. I understand it, I love having it in my life, and it’s not really a concern. I always have enough.” Most people do not think of money as something they have a relationship to. I have a client who always used to say, “I hate dealing with money; why would I want to have a relationship with it?” To which I would reply, “You don’t always like your mother either, but you have a relationship with her. It’s just not always what you’d like it to be. But she’s in your life, and you never
give up on her. It’s the same with money. Your job is to learn how to make your relationship with money work for you, not against you.”
In truth, by definition, we have a relationship to anything that we are connected to or dependent on. Based on those parameters, money qualifies as something we have a relationship with. But besides spending an enormous amount of our time thinking about it, worrying about it, and working for it, we give money very little of our attention. We base much of our self-worth on money, and since we undervalue the self, it makes sense that we have not paid enough attention to our relationship with money.
Every relationship that holds any significant value in our lives is a living energy system that needs attention, understanding, and nurturing. It is precisely our inattention to and lack of understanding of money that has caused us to have so much difficulty with and conflict about it. This is how our self-worth got to be diminished by our net worth to begin with. That which we do not give proper care and attention to generally does not respond well in return. If we don’t water our plants, they whither and die. If we don’t clean and maintain our living space, it becomes chaotic and unhealthy. If we don’t care for and nurture our relationships with our friends and family, we risk hurting and losing those we love. If we neglect our work or career, we jeopardize our position and can end up unemployed. We must give focused energy and intention to all dimensions of our lives if we expect them to work.
I think it would be safe to say that because of our denial of what money means to us, most of us have unconsciously allowed our relationship with it to be shelved and to collect dust. I have often seen people retreat into fear or anger at the mere suggestion that perhaps they had problems with money they needed to look at. Everyone feels vulnerable when it comes to money. That we are fearful about it is not too surprising when we consider that we have never been properly educated about money or financial matters. We have no training in the one thing that our culture collectively values the most! No wonder we respond in anger. We have been given the “power” and told we need to go out and “make it” without the proper tools.
Statistically, money is among the leading causes of divorce and suicide. What does that say about us? Money affects every aspect of our lives, and yet we know very little about it. It is time to consciously choose to change this dynamic. A shift in our consciousness will not only help us to build stronger relationships with one another, but it will also be a step toward creating a new legacy for our children, one built on knowledge and power instead of fear and dependence. But first we must each define and redefine our relationship with money and its meaning in our lives.
Money Magic: Unleashing Your True Potential for Wealth & Prosperity by Author and Money Coach, Deborah Price Building a Healthy Relationship with Money
Available at amazon: Money Magic
About the author:
Deborah Price is the founder of The Money Coaching Institute, which provides money coaching, consulting and training to both individuals and businesses. A former financial advisor for over twenty years with firms such as Merrill Lynch, Mass Mutual, AIG and London Pacific Advisors, Deborah left the financial industry to pioneer the field of Money Coaching.
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